What I Said about December

I know in my last post I was all about kicking December where it hurt and that it wasn't going to bother me. I was either wrapped up in the moment of writing or naive or trying to forget. But I'm not that strong about December and the fact that Morgan's leaving.
While I should be getting ready for the Health Center right now, I'm here in bed crushed by what I saw on Facebook:

 "Morgan ****** is attending "Graduation" on December 18, 2010 at 2:00 p.m.

Ramsey Center"

That was hard to read! Because I know that's it.

And yesterday Morgan and CC were joking around how they'd never come back to Cullowhee and should try out a restaurant soon. Morgan turned around and whispered to me, "But I'll be back for you."
Still, something about the whole situation, how light and careless it was, tears started rolling down my cheeks like the end movie credits being rewound. Morgan promised how we'd do all this stuff together and he'd be there for me every day.
"But I'll still need you after you're gone," I whimpered sadly.
He didn't know what to say to that, as I recall.
Secretly, I'm not brave whatsoever about December. I can picture myself driving back and forth from Raleigh every chance I get and every weekend Morgan will have off. But it won't be that picture perfect. He'll be supporting himself by himself on a full-time job for the first time in his life. I will working as the news editor of The Western Carolinian and carrying a load of classes I need to graduate. There will be sleepless nights on the road. There will be arguments over the phone. There will be frustration, emotionally and physically. It won't be fair!
But if we can get through it, I'll never let him go!

"Separation II," Edvard Munch, 1896