Dear Upstairs Neighbors,
Hello, I’d like to introduce myself. I am the person who lives directly underneath you. I know we have never been formally introduced but I would love to meet Godzilla… at least, that is who I think lives upstairs because no human being could possibly have that loud of footsteps. I mean, I hear when you walk to the kitchen, when you dance, when you go to the bathroom, and when you finally settle into bed at night. Make that settle into bed in the morning. Yesterday, I thought I saw a portion of my living room ceiling jutting out in the shape of two feet. It could have been the light.
Also, you throw parties like the Jonas Brothers would if they believed in them! Remember that Wednesday night? I was woken up at 2:30 a.m. because I thought a bomb went off over my head. No, it was just my furniture jumping half an inch off the ground because you body slammed someone into the floor. At least, that is what it sounded like. I could be wrong. And on a Wednesday night? You do know you live in a college student-filled apartment complex, right? Even if you do not care about your grades, the people that live below you do. Aside from that, you are scaring my cat!
Even better was the night my neighbors living underneath me came to my door complaining about the noise. “See the people upstairs,” I told them. It is like you were born to live on the first floor!
The landlady says give it time. Some people just need time to adjust to apartment living. Ok, I give you another week. But, if I see one “U” on my fifth-week grade report card, we are going to have some words. Do you have a translator for Godzilla?
Maybe we can compromise. I can agree on if you end the partying at midnight or earlier on school nights, I won’t complain to the landlady about the empty beer cans I find on my landing every morning or the cigarette butts in our can when neither my roommates nor I smoke. I think that is a good agreement. I do not know what to do about Godzilla, though. Does he own a pair of slippers or something? Just ask him to get his nightly snack before going to bed. Put it on a bedside table or something. It would help out so much as I tend to wake in the middle of the night wondering when Cullowhee started having earthquakes. No offense, Godzilla. No, it has nothing to do with your weight… Yeah, it is the big feet… I apologize.
In conclusion, I thought dropping the water balloons from the landing was not funny. No, I am not interested in your vast cooler with multiple beer brands inside. Your R&B music at 2:00 a.m. does not sound awesome. Shouting cat calls at me through my open window while I am trying to relax and read a book is not hilarious or flattering. I giggle every morning I see girls walk down the stairs in the same clothes they were wearing last night.
Please try to keep the noise down. It would help my peace of mind and my GPA. And, you do not want to ruin my GPA! Thanks so much.
Signed,
Doesn’t-Like-Living-Under-a-Herd-of-Elephants
*** Article 2 in my "Off Campus Living 101" column in The Western Carolinian
No comments:
Post a Comment