A 2 am Thought

Wednesday afternoon begins my Fall Break. Next Wednesday morning will end it. Thursday afternoon I will drive to Charlotte and spend the weekend there celebrating my 19th birthday a week early. It will be a most-needed break. A budding relationship, maintaining friendships, keeping up with school work, my beloved job, a spazzed out cat... I'm mentally, emotionally, and physically drained. Yet with my new relationship, I haven't wanted to stay in bed all day for quite some time. I haven't wanted to become one with my ear buds and listen to my High Five playlist. Today, however, that was exactly what I wanted.

Tonight, I thought it was over. I thought I would be single again by the end of the night. I thought we weren't going to make it. The night before I had never felt such a bundle of stress settle across the width of my ribcage in quite some time. It was constricting. I was unable to breathe. I didn't know how to compute the words he was feeding me. All I knew was I had screwed up again.
But, I was completely off track in my thinking (Typical!).
He is not one of the past immature lovers.
He is not one to jut let go and not look back.
He is not one to lie, charm, or deceive.
He is not one to just let things go unsaid or not be upfront.

And, as I sat there taking what he was saying, some of it was harsh but it was the truth. Some of it I didn't want to remember that it was the truth about me but I accepted it. And together, we closed the gap between us and put everything back on track after a long two hours of hashing words back and forth and the deafening silences splitting us apart like a physical wall. And, it is ok. And, I don't have to pick myself up off the floor. And, I began this morning in the strong, tattooed arms of a person that makes me feel... as if I looked up and saw a double rainbow!

"What up?!"