An Open Letter to my Upstairs Neighbors

Dear Upstairs Neighbors,

            Hello, I’d like to introduce myself. I am the person who lives directly underneath you. I know we have never been formally introduced but I would love to meet Godzilla… at least, that is who I think lives upstairs because no human being could possibly have that loud of footsteps. I mean, I hear when you walk to the kitchen, when you dance, when you go to the bathroom, and when you finally settle into bed at night. Make that settle into bed in the morning. Yesterday, I thought I saw a portion of my living room ceiling jutting out in the shape of two feet. It could have been the light.

            Also, you throw parties like the Jonas Brothers would if they believed in them! Remember that Wednesday night? I was woken up at 2:30 a.m. because I thought a bomb went off over my head. No, it was just my furniture jumping half an inch off the ground because you body slammed someone into the floor. At least, that is what it sounded like. I could be wrong. And on a Wednesday night? You do know you live in a college student-filled apartment complex, right? Even if you do not care about your grades, the people that live below you do. Aside from that, you are scaring my cat!

Even better was the night my neighbors living underneath me came to my door complaining about the noise. “See the people upstairs,” I told them. It is like you were born to live on the first floor!

The landlady says give it time. Some people just need time to adjust to apartment living. Ok, I give you another week. But, if I see one “U” on my fifth-week grade report card, we are going to have some words. Do you have a translator for Godzilla?

Maybe we can compromise. I can agree on if you end the partying at midnight or earlier on school nights, I won’t complain to the landlady about the empty beer cans I find on my landing every morning or the cigarette butts in our can when neither my roommates nor I smoke. I think that is a good agreement. I do not know what to do about Godzilla, though. Does he own a pair of slippers or something? Just ask him to get his nightly snack before going to bed. Put it on a bedside table or something. It would help out so much as I tend to wake in the middle of the night wondering when Cullowhee started having earthquakes. No offense, Godzilla. No, it has nothing to do with your weight… Yeah, it is the big feet… I apologize.

In conclusion, I thought dropping the water balloons from the landing was not funny. No, I am not interested in your vast cooler with multiple beer brands inside. Your R&B music at 2:00 a.m. does not sound awesome. Shouting cat calls at me through my open window while I am trying to relax and read a book is not hilarious or flattering. I giggle every morning I see girls walk down the stairs in the same clothes they were wearing last night.

            Please try to keep the noise down. It would help my peace of mind and my GPA. And, you do not want to ruin my GPA! Thanks so much.

Signed,

Doesn’t-Like-Living-Under-a-Herd-of-Elephants

*** Article 2 in my "Off Campus Living 101" column in The Western Carolinian

Kodak Moment Birthday Week

My birthday week!

Thanks Nanny and Pawpaw for this awesome gift!! It looks amazing in the living room!

And one morning Cody rearranged the furniture!

Sparta just loves Grandma's homemade ottoman!

Piddy Paws had a special gift for me!! Thanks, cat!

Who Ya Gonna Call?

In "Ramblings of a Final Summer," I talked often about the ghostly occurences that happened in the Charlotte house where Ma and my two sisters reside. It just happened. No one conjured anything up. Well yesterday, I purposefully went out looking for it.

For the Halloween issue of "The Western Carolinian," I asked my boss if I could "bust" the myth of ghosts in Harrill Hall. Boss let me run wild with it, so I did. Barney, from the Ice Cream Book Club (without books), and I headed over to Harrill late last night in search of a rumored female ghost famous for knocking on doors, appearing as a shadow, and making the elevators act strangely. From 10:00 p.m. to 12:30 a.m., Barney and I staked out Harrill Hall. First we went around the haunted 5th floor and asked around to see if anyone had noticed anything "supernatural." Then, we took to the elevators. Rumor has it that the elevators would open on random floors, particularly the 1st and the 5th, even though they had not been called. While in the elevator, we questioned the students.

"Have you noticed anything strange while living here in Harrill?" we'd ask.

"Besides two girls sitting on the floor of the elevator," the majority of them answered.

Quite a few reported knocking on their doors, the elevator acting strange, and one RA (resident assistant) said he saw the ghost herself one night before the students arrived for the fall semester. He said he had been petrified!

As Barney and I coasted up and down the elevator, we noticed it would drop off kids then after a moment's hesitation, travel back down or up to the 6th floor where it would stop without opening its doors. Was it the call floor?

Then once, we plummeted down to the 1st floor where the doors opened but no one had called the elevator. We looked at each other, the doors, each other... what was going on?

We switched elevators. Elevator 2 was less exciting.

After an hour of riding the elevators, we returned to our post in the 5th floor lobby to watch for ghostly activity. Apparently late at night, the shadow will appear if the hall is quiet. Well, it was far from quiet! Barney and I had attracted much attention from our little game in the elevator and we had a flock of people conversing with us as we settled in to wait for "Erin," our ghost. It was great social time but not a very "ghost friendly" environment. However, with enough information for my article, Barney and I called off the hunt and she returned to her dorm and I returned to Morgan.

I'm going to call that the rumor is true. With so many firsthand accounts from students we met in the elevator plus the actual elevator activity Barney and I experienced, there's no doubt... something is haunting Harrill Hall.

Created Cried Laughed Loved

****This post just might make my mom cry. In fact, it could get the whole family. It made me cry. You have been warned.

I don't dwell on this thought a lot. It's hard to remember most days. It's hard to remember to remember there should be another face in the family photo. But, I think about this during this time of year, around my birthday.
Did you know I have a brother? Most people don't. He's not here to speak for himself so most people assume my parents only had three children and I'm the oldest sister of two little girls. But I have a brother, too.

His name is Israel James. He would have been eight this year.

I am extremely imaginative and have to put my thoughts into pictures. So when I say I have a brother named Israel James I need to make it clear: I don't really know if my unborn sibling was a boy or a girl. And, he or she was never given a name. But this is who he is to me, a little baby boy who I get to meet in the next life.

The day after my birthday in 6th grade, Ma broke the news to Kate and myself that she was pregnant, and just in time for Christmas when everyone is celebrating the baby Jesus, the virgin Mary holding an innocent, sinless babe in her arms, Ma found out she was no longer carrying a living child due to no fault of her own or anything else. It just happens. And, our family members quietly took back their baby item Christmas presents for more appropriate gifts like a bigger, fancier coffee maker or like my dad's mother did... an blue-cloaked angel ornament for the Christmas tree. It has a white halo, glittery wings, and our German blonde hair.

Then, I didn't understand that my baby sibling. How did it affect me? I had never heard the heartbeat. I had never seen his face. I had never felt him kick. Instead, I sat back bewildered as my parents crumpled away and apart.

Now, I know better. As the oldest, I live my life as an example to Kate and Anne... and I live my life for my baby brother who didn't get to see this world. In my past 18 years, I have made mistakes. I have a suitcase full of a regrets. But there's not one I didn't survive and learn from.

Israel would be eight... learning how to play football from Father, telling me stories about elementary school and how girls are gross. I would teach him how fragile little girls are, how breakable their hearts one. To remain true and faithful to the ladies he would date in the future. How never to lie. How to make and keep strong friendships. The importance of creativity and sportsmanship. Being who you want to be even if it doesn't fit in the box society wants to put you in. I would teach him things I have taught Kate and will teach Anne. I would teach him a few other things I don't want my beautiful sisters to know about, things I've done that I fear would make them look at me different. I would tell him (when he was much older) the story of The Viking. And afterwards, I would make him promise on his life to never go down that road.

I've never been outside of the United States. I've never eaten octopus, shark, or a live worm. I've never gone skydiving or bungee-jumping or para sailing. I've never given life to another small human being. But I have lived. I have created something new for nothing with my two hands. I have laughed until tears ran down my face. I have helped a stranger. I have cried, heartbroken, then pieced everything back together. I have discovered a God worth living for. I have loved so strong and so deep!

As I turn 19, I will continue to live, laugh, love, cry, and create and when I stop having birthdays, I will meet Israel James or whoever he or she is and tell him or her all about it.

A 2 am Thought

Wednesday afternoon begins my Fall Break. Next Wednesday morning will end it. Thursday afternoon I will drive to Charlotte and spend the weekend there celebrating my 19th birthday a week early. It will be a most-needed break. A budding relationship, maintaining friendships, keeping up with school work, my beloved job, a spazzed out cat... I'm mentally, emotionally, and physically drained. Yet with my new relationship, I haven't wanted to stay in bed all day for quite some time. I haven't wanted to become one with my ear buds and listen to my High Five playlist. Today, however, that was exactly what I wanted.

Tonight, I thought it was over. I thought I would be single again by the end of the night. I thought we weren't going to make it. The night before I had never felt such a bundle of stress settle across the width of my ribcage in quite some time. It was constricting. I was unable to breathe. I didn't know how to compute the words he was feeding me. All I knew was I had screwed up again.
But, I was completely off track in my thinking (Typical!).
He is not one of the past immature lovers.
He is not one to jut let go and not look back.
He is not one to lie, charm, or deceive.
He is not one to just let things go unsaid or not be upfront.

And, as I sat there taking what he was saying, some of it was harsh but it was the truth. Some of it I didn't want to remember that it was the truth about me but I accepted it. And together, we closed the gap between us and put everything back on track after a long two hours of hashing words back and forth and the deafening silences splitting us apart like a physical wall. And, it is ok. And, I don't have to pick myself up off the floor. And, I began this morning in the strong, tattooed arms of a person that makes me feel... as if I looked up and saw a double rainbow!

"What up?!"

Mundane Trite Nonsense

Yesterday, it was said that my posts are "mundane trite nonsense." Dear sir, I shall give you nonsense!

This morning I was woken up by the WCU band blasting their trumpets and banging their drums like Whoos in down in WhoVille on Christmas morning. Instead of normally rolling over, groaning, and going back to bed, I threw off my covers, jumped up from the mattress, and dove into the black spherical chairs against the window. I picked up my Freeze Ray from in the corner, opened my window, karate kicked the screen out, and blasted my Freeze Ray down upon the unsuspecting band members. Now, in blissful silence, they shall stand there in frozen time until the football game later this afternoon. And, I went back to sleep!


Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog



After waking several hours later with full rest, I headed into the main living area of the apartment to discover Kayla lounging in her bathrobe that I believe does not detach from her body working on homework. I told her I was headed out shopping and that I was going to pick up a new toy for Sparta because I had lost his favored sock.

"Well I have it. It's on my bed," she announced plainly.

"WHAT?" I answered.

"Yeah, I've had for awhile."

I then hit the floor, drew out my concealed weapon and bull horn.

"Put your hands in air and hand over the sock!! Hand it over and nobody gets hurt," I announced over the bull horn.

The sock was quickly surrendered by being thrown in my face. Sparta immediately pounced upon it. Twelve stitches were needed. Luckily, Kayla believes she can knit. I now have scarf for a face. It's like being Hannibal Lecter but gay.

I departed from my humble abode to travel to the job-sucking corporate company which is the only place to get anything here in this mud hole in the mountains: Wal-Mart. I was on a mission. Kayla had given secret instructions to find PUMPKIN SPICE CREAMER!!! It was going tough mission, I could tell. This was not only a refrigerated item. It was also ultimately specific!

I went to the diary aisle, a long row of frosted over glass doors holding different sized white bottles. Searching, I stood in front of the creamer door for so long a happy-go-lucky Wal-Mart employee asked me politely if I needed assistance.

"I have been sent from afar to find Pumpkin Spice creamer," I answered dramatically.

"Whoa, that's specific," he said.

Together, we searched the shelves, looking for the creamer but there was none to be found. Another employee joined the search. Still, nothing.

"Well, there's only one thing to do. You really want this creamer?"

"My roommate will put my head in a guillotine if I do not return with her coffee adornment."

"Then, there's only one thing left to do!" With this said, the second employee took out an entire shelf of regular, non-specific creamer, and headed into the back freezer. I was pulled along by the first employee. And do you know what is in the Wal-Mart dairy freezer?!?! COWS! And SWEDISH MILK MAIDS!?! At least fifty of them!!! Milk maids in clog shoes and skirts with windmills sewn on them were sitting on small stools in front of different colored cows with signs that read which creamer or milk they provided. There was a white cow, a brown cow, a pink cow, a blue cow (for French vanilla). We traveled through cow after cow after cow until finally we reached the Holiday section where Christmas cow was on standby and Pumpkin Spice cow was in the front.

"Howdy! One bottle of creamer, please," the first employee told the Pumpkin Spice milk maid. "This woman needs it STAT."

The milk maid nodded, bobbing her blond braided pigtails before bending to the cow and milking my roommate's new bottle of Pumpkin Spice creamer.

I returned in Little Honda to the apartment after miming the words of Ke$ha's song "Take it Off." Do you know how hard it is to undress while driving then redress before the next chorus comes around to then undress again?!?! I don't think you do! Let me tell you, it's unbelievably difficult. In fact, some would say it's impossible!!!

After some joshing around with Kayla and CC, we traveled to the post office to go POSTAL! That's right. Kayla and I danced around in the Cullowhee post office to Eminem, we covered ourselves in stamps, and packed up Kayla in a large box to mail to Timbuktu. Thrown out of the post office by security guards, CC revved up the truck and we bounced back down the road to the apartment plucking stamps out of our hair.

3 p.m. rolls around and it's time for a football game: Catamounts vs Bull Dogs. Real bobcats and cougars came sprinting out onto the field on the north end and English and American bull dogs stumbled from south. I honesty thought the wild cats would have a better chance against a bunch of lap dogs. But no!! The bull dogs ripped through the cats. I saw one cougar run from the field with his tail between his legs. But I think I know the bull dogs secret. The coaches... I saw a few of them running along the sidelines with a bone as the bull dogs run the football down field. And there was one who threw a tennis ball to get the receiver pup to run! I will swear to that in a court of athletics!! The cougars and bobcats returned to their rocky crags and caverns. 

Oh and get this! A huge spiderweb came soaring across the stands. There were several strands of web heading straight straight for me and my friends. And the spider was still riding it!! I think he was hanging ten! I mean, this thing was huge, Lord of the Rings huge! And he was wearing sunglasses with two hairy feet in the air. My friends and I had to play limbo so the spider and his webby surfboard wouldn't crash into us.  

........And that has been my day so far. I just hope dinner goes smoothly. I only have to operate a oven. Maybe it will come to life! Or maybe I'll find a demon dog claiming to be The Gatekeeper in my fridge (if you don't get that, you need to watch Ghostbusters!).

And later... Kayla and I will be playing Scene It? Harry Potter Edition. It will become a "WIZARD. LIGHTNING. BATTLE!" (Literal trailer reference!) There will be wizards! There will be lighting! There will be a BATTLE!!!! I'm looking forward to that... Neville is helping me find some kind of plant to use for breathing underwater and Hermione... well, she's just talking nonsense. I'm kind of tuning her out. I'll keep you updated!!

Dear Family Members

Ma and Father are very different people, but usually always convey the same message. Look up the characteristics of a Scorpio and a Capricorn. They are different! So when I sent out a mass email to Father, Ma, and my sister Kate, these are the responses I received:

To Ma, Father, and Kate
From Me

"Dear Family Members,
 Howdy!!! I knew I wouldn't have time to call you all individually and since you guys never communicate amongst yourselves, I am sending this mass email. Also, I didn't want you to see over Facebook and not hear from me.
As of last night, I am in a relationship. His name is "Morgan." He is a food and hospitality major from Raleigh.
Ma, he's a Capricorn!
Kate, he's got an awesome body!
Father, he loves guns and shoots a Glock, still waiting to see if he's a football or guitar fan. He is a really nice guy, and I think he's going to be good for me.
Anyway, I don't know when you'll be able to meet him. He works a lot and is participating in a gun competition over Fall Break so he'll be in Raleigh the whole time. I think maybe he'll be able to come down if we last until Christmas Break.
Holy crap, I'm gonna be late! Ok, gotta go!
Love you all!
Bye!"

To Me
From Father

"Hey,

I saw your relationship status change on FB (Facebook) this morning. That is wonderful news to hear! So is being a Capricorn a good thing? And how do you know about his body!?

So what is your home schedule? Birthday, fall break, etc.?

Love,

Father"

To Me
From Kate

"Awhhh yay! Send me a picture! Tell him if he's not good to you I'll beat his ass (: "

To Me
From Ma

"Ahwww honey that is very good news!!  Hi "Morgan!"  Sounds like he is very nice and I hope you guys get along well and hopefully we can meet. Hey, when is fall break? 
Well you guys have fun and lemme know about when you are gonna be home next weekend.
Thanks for sharing the news!!

I love you lots!
Ma"