Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts

Tuesday, October 30

Memoir of a Cat Part 2


****
"It was the first night, and Sparta was still nervous and aloof. He missed his companion and his home. He had not yet grown accustomed to my roommates who immediately pounced on him because of his cute face and soft coat. It was the dead of night, but my sub consciousness had been waiting for a sound like the ear-splitting crash that suddenly erupted. Still immersed in darkness, I knew it could mean only one thing: Sparta had knocked over the unstable shelving unit that held my entire collection of snow globes. I flicked on the lights and found glitter, glass, and water all over the ugly carpet of my room. Sparta stood flat against the opposite wall looking scared and not in the least bit sorry. The thought dawned on me that I was in over my head and had never truly been a pet owner before. Was it always going to be like this? With tears in my eyes, my heart ached to have Piddy Paws there and not the Destroyer of Snow Globes as I picked up the large pieces of glass and soaked up the water. Vacuuming the glitter waited until morning.
The dead snow globes
            The next morning, I nearly started packing up Sparta’s belongings to drive him back to my mother’s house. It was not going to work out, I could see that now. He was too rambunctious, and I was feeling guilty for taking him away from his home in the first place. Yet, something stopped me as I watched him sleeping in my beanbag chair. Looking back, if I had taken him home, it would have been the worse decision I would have made.
            Due to the curiosity in his friend’s roommate’s cat, I met my boyfriend Stuart, who increasingly came over to our apartment to play with Sparta. We fell for each other and started dating, thanks to Sparta. Then three months later, Stuart graduated from Western Carolina University and moved to his hometown of Raleigh. We began a painful, lonely one-year long distance relationship. My constant companion and bright star through the entire year was Sparta. He kept me entertained, forced me to get out of bed in the morning, and gave me a living thing to hold at night. Even he knew what it meant when Stuart left, patrolling the apartment and meowing loudly as if looking for him.
Sparta fell in love with Stuart!
            During that time, I also hurt Sparta deeply. In desperation to constantly see Stuart, I often traveled to Raleigh, a five-hour trip from Cullowhee. Because of my few friends and scatter-brained roommates who would most likely kill a fish in a day, I usually dragged Sparta with me. For five hours, Sparta whined and cried down I-40 or settled in my lap between my stomach and the steering wheel wondering when he would never set his foot down on solid ground again. Two nights later, we made the same trip back to Cullowhee with me sobbing at least half an hour of the way after saying good bye to Stuart with Sparta’s pitiful whines in the background.

             After a semester of that, I transferred to UNC-Greensboro to be closer to Stuart. Sparta moved into my new home where there was another male cat and a Labrador retriever. The male cat, Mac, refused to let Sparta out his grasp. Constantly, Mac mounted Sparta and pinned him by biting his neck in his small jaws. It took only a week or two for me to break down in tears over the stress and misery Sparta experienced. I handed him over to Stuart one hour away in Raleigh, heartbroken, promising to bring him back after Mac was neutered. Even then, Mac still abused and tormented my cat. For the rest of the semester, Stuart cared for Sparta, and I spiraled into a deep and deadly bout of depression as I pined away for the cat that had never meant much to me back when Piddy Paws and I were growing up together. Now, I committed so many fouls against my beautiful pet whose personality had started to alter because of the stress of it all."
To be continued...

Thursday, August 16

The Summer of 2012, A Review

It's that time again... here's the 2012 Summer Review.

Best thing that happened: Stuart and I are together in the same city in the same house!

Worst: Beach trip

Best single day: Spending the day with Stuart going to the animal shelter, walking through downtown Waynesville, and eating at Bocelli's

Worst: Pick a day from the beach trip
New friend: Brandy, one of my staff writers, and Pauline!

Song of the summer: "Spotlight (Oh Nostalgia)" by Patrick Stump, the entire Trespassing album by Adam Lambert

Artist of the summer: Adam Lambert

Best day trip: Taking Kate and Seth to the WNC Nature Center; seeing the 4th of July fireworks at Lake Junaluska
Wish I had: gone tubing

Movie of the summer, DVD: Safe House, Machine Gun Preacher, Reel Steel, John Carter

Movie of the summer, theaters: Snow White and the Huntsman

Most proud of: Handling The Western Carolinian newspaper, mastering the Frisbee golf game in Wii Sports Resort

Could have lived without: upsets at the newspaper

Couldn't have lived without: Stuart's understanding

Loved: Walking through downtown Sylva and Waynesville with Stuart on several occasions, Nutmeg hysterically chomping on a cherry, playing tag with Sparta, getting away from that crazy landlord and moving to downtown Sylva 

Wished: Slowed down and enjoyed the little things, I could have gotten my security deposit from that crazy landlord in Cullowhee

Dreamed: about the zombie apocalypse

Surprised by: How well my relationship is with my grandmother now, needing to wear long pants in the middle of June and August

Appreciated: My family's support (those that did actually support me), Pauline's generosity and care

Hated: Family drama, not having cruise control in my Honda, the oppressive heat, not enough moments enjoying summer

Stressed over: Family drama, making the newspaper perfect, the newspaper's annual budget

Smiled at: Stuart bringing me Bojangles and flowers, Cherry Berry Chillers, Pauline's amazing ability to make me feel like the most loved person in the world, my aunt and grandmother's constant support, two silly beagles
Biggest change: Alcohol free, threw out my pineapple loveseat

To be continued: Finish my degree at Western Carolina University, continue to make The Western Carolinian an award-winning newspaper, cherish the little things in life, call my grandmother every Thursday

Tuesday, August 7

Photo of the Day: August 7

Here's a cute picture of us at the Outer Banks!! I think we might frame this one! :)

Monday, June 25

Photo of the Day: June 25

Great news, everyone! Stuart and I are now roommates!!! :) We live in the same two-bedroom trailer on the edge of Scotts Creek! That's a major improvement to living five hours apart, I'll tell ya that!
To celebrate this big occasion, we went to Claymates Pottery to paint a plate to display in our new home! Like anything decided on together, it wasn't the easiest process, but we managed! I put waves under my name because I love the ocean while Stuart has the mountains! We also put giant paw prints (which I traced from a Google Images jpg displayed on the screen of my Blackberry... gotta love technology) for our mutual love of animals! And, October 7, 2010 is our anniversary, of course! :)
What do you think? Soon, we will purchase a stand to display it in the kitchen.


Friday, May 11

If You Give a Mouse a Car...

There's all sorts of wildlife in the mountains, where I live is no exception. The other morning there was a spider the size of Sparta's face sitting happily in my sink. Later that same afternoon, I discovered a family of furry field mice in the trunk of my car!! There's no damage to the car, as far as I could tell, but they did do a number on my very warm red Iowa State sweatshirt (Dear Dad, if you are reading this... next time you go to Iowa, please bring back a new sweatshirt!!! No one makes a sweatshirt quite like Iowa).
Now, there are some stereotypical activities that couples go through that test their relationship:
  • Moving
  • Redecorating/hanging pictures
  • Getting lost and trying to find a place where neither of them have been before
  • Planning a trip
  • Anything that deals with money and budgets
In each of these circumstances, the strength of a couples' communication skills and levels of patience are tested to the breaking point. In light of recent events, I'd like to add another scenario to the list:
  • Removing (without poison bait or killing) live mice from the trunk of a Honda Accord
Yes, a few nights ago Stuart and I tested the strength of our relationship by trying to remove the mice (number still unknown) from my trunk. Let's just say... it didn't go very smoothly.
In the fading light of twilight, Stuart and I stood with hands on our hips in front of my trunk. Because of my belief of not killing a living creature, unless it has more than four legs, I stood on one side with a Tupperware dish waiting to plop it down over a furry mouse. Stuart did the heavy lifting.
First, we removed the plastic tray that extends across the majority of my trunk. In it, a football and some other trinkets rolled around, including a thin sketchpad that would later come in handy.
Then, we removed the bottom mat that covered the spare tire. It was then that we had the first victim in sight. A small gray mouse was bouncing around trying to escape and ended up burying itself under the tire. Stuart unscrewed the bolt that keeps the tire from moving and lifted the tire to where it balanced on one side. He then removed it to the grass, and we watched the horror that squeaked before us!
Stuart had unknowingly pinned the little mouse with the tire as he lifted it out of the trunk, and the mouse had been crushed. Its little furry body now twitched in a very familiar way that my guinea pig had done right before it croaked.
"OH MY GOSH, STUART!" I screeched. "IT'S DYING!"
"No, it can't be," Stuart answered.
"No, Stuart, it's definitely dying! Oh my gosh!! I can't believe you killed it! Why did you do that?" I cried, smacking him in the arm repeatedly.
"I didn't mean to!" 
A minute later, the twitched stopped. The mouse was dead. We both stared at it.
After much more accusation on my part, Stuart gingerly lifted the mouse by the tail and tossed it into the brush behind our trailer. The quest for the other mice continued.
"Don't kill them this time," I warned.
There are many small holes and crevices in a trunk, even with all the layers and the spare tire removed. In Stuart crawled into the back of my trunk with a flashlight to peer into the holes.
"Look! There's one! I can see its ear," he said. "Do you see it?"
"No!" I answered.
Out popped a smaller gray mouse, and I screamed... of course.
"Get it!! Trap it!" Stuart yelled, and I plopped the Tupperware dish over the mouse.
Now begins the part of communication. It is very difficult with my slightly distracted animal-loving brain, which wants to examine and "play" with the mouse, while Stuart's practical-thinking brain wants to immediately get rid of it. His impatience mixed with my distraction created a bad case of lack of communication. While Stuart tried to edge the thin sketchpad underneath the Tupperware, I tried to keep the mouse in as he tried to wriggle his way out, which is simple enough for him to do considering the bowl was perched on an uneven surface. We were doomed to fail from the beginning! With both of us trying to do it in the way we deem best, it wasn't long before baby mouse scrambled underneath the rim of his plastic prison, danced back and forth, then disappeared into a smaller hole than the one we had found him in.
It took a few minutes of tense feelings before we put the trunk back together and called it a night.
Stuart and Lex -1 (for accidentally killing one)
Mice - 1
Let the games continue...!!!!

Tuesday, January 24

Together

I have been waiting for this day since exactly one year ago! I can happily say that my dream has come true and that the wait is over.
Next week, my boyfriend Stuart is moving to Cullowhee!!!!!! 
Our long distance relationship is over!

Stuart has decided that after working for The Angus Barn since last January, he wants to move on and find a place that will help him move forward in the cooking ladder. While The Angus Barn comes with a lot of prestige and respect, employees stay at the Barn for many years. Due to this, there is little opportunity to be promoted. At 23, Stuart has big ambitions and wants to some day be a kitchen manager. 
After my announcement of returning to Western Carolina University for this spring, Stuart and I faced once again being five hours away from each other. Honestly, I didn't think we'd survive it for a second time, but I wanted to make the right decision for me and my career. It's not guaranteed that Stuart and I will marry each other. I needed to make a decision based on what I knew: UNC-Greensboro and I didn't get along in any way, and I needed a solid education to make sure I could get a job after graduating. Even if it meant a huge hit on our relationship, I had to put my education first. 
While I was preparing for Cullowhee, Stuart started to think about where that left him. It turns out that Western Carolina's catering company, the same company where Stuart worked during his years as an undergraduate at WCU, is looking for a sous chef. While Stuart does not have the sous chef job, he will begin working for the catering department this February with the understanding and motivation to soon become the sous chef. With his background and his experience already with the WCU and Aramark, I have no doubt he will quickly succeed at his goal. 
I am so proud of him and the major decision he is not only making for us but that he's also making for his career path. For the first time, he's permanently moving away from his hometown and Raleigh and living on his own without parents, siblings, or even a roommate. He has a beautiful efficiently-style cabin settled in the woods in Balsalm Gap that overlooks a small brook and comes with horseshoes, a fire pit, and a mini gym.
It is has been difficult this month to be without him, and to have no Internet until this week and no cell phone service at my trailer. I can't text him good night or good morning until I get to campus. The lack of communication has hurt us, but next Wednesday, things are going to be very different. 
For the first time since Christmas 2010, we will be living in the same city (or close enough anyway), working in the same community, and there's no end in sight. He won't be graduating this time. I won't be going anywhere. We won't a relationship based on longing for the other and waiting... just waiting until the other comes back. 
Next week, the next big step in my relationship with Stuart begins. I can't wait or be more excited!!! I love you, Stuart. 

Friday, January 6

56. Longing

Book 56: Longing by Karen Kingsbury (A)

Hooray!! I'm so excited for the character development in this next novel of the Bailey Flanigan series!!! Bailey, Cody, and Brandon Paul are back for the continuation of their complicated young lives. Bailey's Broadway musical run is in trouble because audience members no longer want to watch Hairspray. She also is still dealing with conflicting feelings about Cody when she's dating Brandon. Brandon is completely in love with Bailey and will do everything in his power to convince her that she deserves more than the runaway-when-things-get-scary Cody. In fact, he wants to propose...soon! And, Cody has realized he's truly in love with Bailey and is about to break-up with his new girlfriend Cheyenne when she is diagnosed with brain cancer and needs all the love and support she can get. It's a Christian soap opera, folks!!!
I am all about Team Brandon!! I used to root for Cody all through the Above the Line series and into the new Bailey series, but now I'm done with that boy. He had his chance! Now, leave Bailey alone! I want her to be with Brandon, and he's doing a great job of keeping her with him!
Once again, Kingsbury does an amazing job of making these characters relate-able. My favorite scene is the one between Bailey and one of her Hairspray cast mates in the Starbucks. The transformation of the cast mate from when you first meet him in Leaving is worth getting teary eyed! That scene alone is worth reading the novel.

Tuesday, December 20

Photo of the Day December 20

Because I am spending the majority of my Christmas holiday with Stuart, I demanded that we decorate for Christmas. This involved getting a Charlie Brown Christmas tree, making our own stockings, and buying a 2011 ornament for the tree. Stuart had to go along with it or deal with a very unhappy girlfriend. One of my favorite things about Christmas is the decorations and the time spent decorating with family. Last night, Stuart and I decorated our tree at 12:30 a.m. when he came home from work.
Originally, I had planned to pick out a mass-produced ornament at JC Penney or the like with Stuart. Instead as I wandered through the mall yesterday, I found a small cart selling ornaments that you could personalize. Stuart and I picked out this one, which now hangs as the centerpiece of our tree!!! I LOVE IT!!

Saturday, December 17

Kodak Moment: Fall Semester 2011

Maybe I've posted some of these before on Photo of the Day, but here are some great photographic memories from this semester.

I moved to Greensboro ( I love Sparta in this photo)
Us sisters and our boyfriends had a great time at Scarowinds




I got some awesome-looking scars from Sparta
I don't like Labs but Fleetwood was just the best dog!
My pet sitting business really took off!
Best Thanksgiving ever!
DISNEY ON ICE!!!!! <3

Tuesday, December 6

You'll Never Know Dear

Continued from My Only Sunshine...

Stuart did come over that night. He was tired and no longer in his beautiful tuxedo. I shook from nerves. We sat for a long while at the dining table in the kitchen. Eventually, Ma would arrive after deciding it would be best if I wasn't alone that night.
Stuart and I hashed out our issues, discussed solutions, and I made promises. I knew the hardships of our relationship laid heavily with me. My lacking ability of communication was a major downfall. For so long, I haven't needed this level of communication. I'd never had a relationship last more than a month. I learned from my father that it was ok to walk away in the middle of the conversation. I learned from my mom that it was ok to sweep conflicts under a rug and walk around them. It's what my family did. Is that the right way to do things? No, not really, but it's how we functioned. Now, I'm learned to speak my mind, make my wants and needs known, and not to clam up when there's a disagreement. It's a slow process, but I'm doing better at it than my other adjustment.
My diet must change. I'm killing myself the way I eat. Now, I'm feasting on apples, potatoes, rice, whole grain bread, organic cereals, organic crackers, and other fresh produce on a regular basis. Thanksgiving and the end of the semester has caused me to take a step back from my progress, but I still drink as much water and any fluid really as possible. I find it ironic that it was after my major diet change that I became legitimately sick for the first time since last winter. I may have bronchitis... but I've stopped having so many headaches, I've stopped feeling lethargic all day. I'm feeling better about myself and the choices I'm making. It's a major improvement, but I slip up on a regular basis. I will never give up my candy!!! NEVER!
Stuart and I are back together. We were apart for 24 horrible hours. And, it's not bad. It's not we-broke-up-and-it's-all-awkward-now. No, in fact, I'd say it's better than it was in the last few months before the break-up. We're getting through it like any other young adult couple who is in a long distance relationship, one with a full-time job and the other a full-time student about to take on a part-time job.
Yeah, it's like that!

Monday, November 28

Life can be Funny

If you had told me that I'd fall for a guy and that he'd abruptly leave me for another girl, I'd have believed you. That sounds like my kind of luck. I wouldn't have pictured him to be an actual Viking, though.

If you had told me that two years after I'd been accepted to Western Carolina I was going to transfer to another university only to transfer back to Western within a semester, I wouldn't have believed you.

If you had told me I was going to fall in love with a guy that I'd spend over a year or more in a long distance relationship with, I would have laughed and said, "I'd never go for that type of relationship. It would never work."

Funny how life works! It makes you laugh.
I love you, Stuart!

Sunday, November 27

My Only Sunshine

Continued from Please Don't Take my Sunshine Away...

I sat outside the church after the ceremony. Everyone else filed past me to the Fellowship building in the other parking lot for the reception. I waited for Stuart... and waited... and waited... and waited...! He was part of the wedding party, remember? That means he had to partake in the official wedding photos. You know how those go! I sat in between the brick pillars that used to hold the sign of the church quietly singing "You are my Sunshine." I had listened to the famous bit at the end of a very appropriate Katy Perry music video, "The One That Got Away."
I had to get Stuart back! The loss of him had made everything clear! Don't you hate that? When losing the most important thing is when everything clicks into place and you know you want them more than anything? Or even it? Being able to have kids and you can't. To have one more conversation with your mom even though all you did was fight. The love of your life. But, sometimes... it's too late. I prayed with all my heart that it wasn't too late for Stuart and me.
Everything that got in our way - my lack of communication, The Viking and everything that went with him... suddenly, all the songs I listened to that applied to The Viking now applied to Stuart. I didn't think of The Viking anymore when I heard them. I thought only of Stuart. I think that was the kicker for me - the moment when I knew.
Finally, Stuart joined me at the brick foundation. It was awkward, then I just blurted out all of these things that didn't make sense anymore coming out of my mouth. They were all so organized in my head. Now, it was a mess of strings of words. But, I told him I was going to fix this, I had made a mistake, and I wanted him back!
He looked at me skeptically. I certainly hadn't fought this hard the day before when he'd broken up with me, I'm sure he was thinking. To Stuart, the day before was the end. That was it! It hadn't worked out, and now it was time to learn to move on. But I held on too hard! I promised that things would change, I would change, and we'd be better.
He promised we'd talk later. Now wasn't the best time. I nodded.
"It's not a no or a yes. It's a maybe. Can we talk tonight?"
I nodded.
"Are you going to the reception?" he asked.
"No," I answered quietly. He was supposed to dance with me during the reception. What if they played our song? Anything by Carbon Leaf, Paramore, Eminem, We the Kings? We were supposed to act like a normal couple that didn't add mile after mile after mile to their vehicles every week to see each other. It was supposed to be us celebrating the beginning for another couple. I had sat through the wedding. I couldn't put myself through the reception.
I had the longest drive home... longer than the five hours to Cullowhee from Raleigh, longer than the drive from Cullowhee to Mount Holly to Raleigh... it was a long half an hour filled with tears and too many thoughts.
That night, I called my mom and exploded into tears...!

Friday, November 25

Photo of the Day November 25

On Thanksgiving, I met up with Stuart's mom for a picnic lunch. While I was waiting, I explored Shelley Lake Park and found something called a Wish Tree. Sparingly over the branches, colored paper danced against the yellow and red leaves. Wishes were written on the paper, things like "I wish I could take his pain away," "I like girls and I'm a girl. Sorry Mom!," and "I wish I could make up my mind."
I have a big wish, one I've had for over a year. So, I wrote it down on a green slip of paper and tied it to the tree. Here it dances in the wind for anyone to read: I wish Stuart and I could be in the same city for more than a weekend!

Sunday, November 20

Please Don't Take my Sunshine Away

On the morning of Day One without Stuart, I slept way later than I'm used to from nursing the side effects of staying up half the night with my roommates and their partying friends plus the added help of a martini glass of homemade strawberry daiquiri without the mixer (yes, I stereotypically turned to the guest that's always invited to a party: alcohol. But, I didn't even have a whole shot of rum and that was it. I was so completely sober that I was in charge of taking the so not sober people to Spartan Mart for more alcohol. Drinking the daiquiri was more symbolic than anything else as it clearly didn't alter my mind or mood).
That day, Stuart and I were supposed to attend a wedding together, his best friends' wedding to be exact. Stuart would be a groomsman; I would be an audience member, and together we would dance away the night at the reception together, him in his tuxedo and me in a little flowing dress. Upon waking, the realization that none of this was going to happen was crushing. Suddenly, I had to see him!
With only an hour to get ready, I had Anna straighten my wild hair and help me pick out a dress. I raced around the house like a madwoman before jumping in my car for Winston Salem. It was the longest, most agonizing drive. There were so many things I wanted to say, there were so many things I had to say!
I got to the church an hour early (my first mistake). I walked in in my knee-length forest green dress with cap sleeves and a sweetheart neckline. It's my favorite in my closet. And there was Stuart! He wore a chocolate brown tuxedo with shiny brown shoes, auburn vest, crisp tie, and a fall-inspired corsage on his chest. He was the most handsome I'd ever seen him, and because of what had happened the day before, it was socially unacceptable for me to hold his hand... forget pulling him into my arms for a long, passionate kiss, which is all I wanted to do. He was beautiful; he was looked like any movie character at the prom, wedding, or masquerade ball scene where the lovers come together in their best dressed and exchange shy, loving smiles. Except this time... there were no loving smiles. It was tense and awkward and heartbreaking.
I signed the guest book and Stuart escorted me into the beautifully decorated church. I was left alone in the middle of the pew with nothing to do for an hour. I was in agony! To distract myself, I picked up the Holy Bible and began reading ravenously.
It was the worst torture I had ever put myself through... or so I thought. Then the wedding started. Ashley was so breathtaking and beautiful in her white flowing dress! It was perfect for her! And as soon as she started walking down the aisle, she and her maid of honor started tearing up. I kept glancing at Stuart, but his back was turned to me. I sat through the quick ceremony blinking back tears and trying not to lose it. I was heartbroken, the bridge and the groom were getting exactly what I had dreamed of: a beautiful wedding, and the man I love more than anything was looking the best he ever had ten feet away and he wasn't mine anymore.
To be continued...

Saturday, November 12

One Year, One Month, and Four Days

Stuart broke up with me today...
It's over. 
And as the realization of how much I've just lost crashes upon me, I can't write any more. I need some time because right now, it just hurts so much.

Saturday, November 5

Cullowhee - Where I Wanna Be

So it's now official.... For the past month, I have been deciding how I want to where I want to continue my college education. As you all know, UNCG has not been as great as I had hoped, and upon visiting Western to see my friends, I realized how much I missed being in that crazy, cold place. Yes, I complained about it a lot and it took some getting used to, but I realized I made a mistake and I want to go back.
Fun at WCU
My friends are there.
There's a nice, steady job waiting for me there.
There's a Creative Writing minor there.
There are two animal shelters there that I have loved and worked for and miss.
Kitten at animal shelter
I made a mistake, and now I'm taking the steps to reverse it. On Wednesday, I had a phone conference with a Western Carolina adviser from the English department. We talked, discussed, and planned out my return. That night at midnight, I registered for 13 credit hours of classes at Western Carolina. All that's left is to transfer over my financial aid (which no one seems to know how to do) and then I'm back!! I'm a Catamount again!!!
I am so excited about this! Justin is going to give me back my spot as News Editor and I will shadow him for the position of Editor-in-Chief. I will get to hang out with my friends, be at a place I know and respect, and my adviser is freaking awesome!!!!!
The only downside is I lose the short commute to Stuart's place. He will, of course, remain in Raleigh, and it's going to be hard for both of us. I hope we'll make it through just like we did last time!

Photo of the Day November 5

This is one I had to share! This is Stuart being Stuart on his webcam back when he still lived in his parents' home. This is when we first start Skyping. His camera sits on top of his laptop lid, and his desk always got in the way! This was also back when Skype was cool and had interactive games to play!!! And now it's lame... and the games are gone!!! WTF, SKYPE?!?!?!

Saturday, October 29

Tug of War

There's a never good way to admit that there are cracks in your relationship, especially when you've been so happy for so long.
There are never right answers your friends can give you when you're in the thick of it. They can try. But, there's no magical answer that can get you to feel whole again.
When is too long to fight? What's holding on too hard? How do you know when to keep fighting or when it's time to quit?
Is there a point where it's just sad and pathetic to keep going? Does everyone around you see the breaking point while you keep struggling for something that's never going to heal?
What if you want to give up but the other person doesn't? If you don't give up, but they do?
How can you tell if a relationship is over or it's just a really hard time to get through? What if you're not supposed to be fighting because the end if inevitable? How do you let go of something you want even though it's broken?
Why can't your friends give you advice you can take when they've been through the same thing? Do they disappear because they don't know how to help or do you unconsciously push them away?
Is the heart ever whole again from relationship to relationship? Or is there a piece of yourself floating around with the person you left behind or that left you behind? Does their piece take the place of the piece they took from you? How does a heart beat correctly with pieces of other people trying to work together?
How is it fair that during the socially accepted time of our lives to find our "soul mate" and our "true love" that our bodies wage war against us and makes us the ugliest we're ever going to look with acne all over our faces, oily hair, gangly limbs, misshapen breasts, and  crooked teeth?
How do you end up so far off the page from the person you love that you're not even in the same book anymore?
Why is it wrong to love more than one person? How is it possible not to? How is it possible to not be attracted to more than one person? And, how do you choose?