Please Don't Take my Sunshine Away

On the morning of Day One without Stuart, I slept way later than I'm used to from nursing the side effects of staying up half the night with my roommates and their partying friends plus the added help of a martini glass of homemade strawberry daiquiri without the mixer (yes, I stereotypically turned to the guest that's always invited to a party: alcohol. But, I didn't even have a whole shot of rum and that was it. I was so completely sober that I was in charge of taking the so not sober people to Spartan Mart for more alcohol. Drinking the daiquiri was more symbolic than anything else as it clearly didn't alter my mind or mood).
That day, Stuart and I were supposed to attend a wedding together, his best friends' wedding to be exact. Stuart would be a groomsman; I would be an audience member, and together we would dance away the night at the reception together, him in his tuxedo and me in a little flowing dress. Upon waking, the realization that none of this was going to happen was crushing. Suddenly, I had to see him!
With only an hour to get ready, I had Anna straighten my wild hair and help me pick out a dress. I raced around the house like a madwoman before jumping in my car for Winston Salem. It was the longest, most agonizing drive. There were so many things I wanted to say, there were so many things I had to say!

I got to the church an hour early (my first mistake). I walked in in my knee-length forest green dress with cap sleeves and a sweetheart neckline. It's my favorite in my closet. And there was Stuart! He wore a chocolate brown tuxedo with shiny brown shoes, auburn vest, crisp tie, and a fall-inspired corsage on his chest. He was the most handsome I'd ever seen him, and because of what had happened the day before, it was socially unacceptable for me to hold his hand... forget pulling him into my arms for a long, passionate kiss, which is all I wanted to do. He was beautiful; he was looked like any movie character at the prom, wedding, or masquerade ball scene where the lovers come together in their best dressed and exchange shy, loving smiles. Except this time... there were no loving smiles. It was tense and awkward and heartbreaking.
I signed the guest book and Stuart escorted me into the beautifully decorated church. I was left alone in the middle of the pew with nothing to do for an hour. I was in agony! To distract myself, I picked up the Holy Bible and began reading ravenously.
It was the worst torture I had ever put myself through... or so I thought. Then the wedding started. Ashley was so breathtaking and beautiful in her white flowing dress! It was perfect for her! And as soon as she started walking down the aisle, she and her maid of honor started tearing up. I kept glancing at Stuart, but his back was turned to me. I sat through the quick ceremony blinking back tears and trying not to lose it. I was heartbroken, the bridge and the groom were getting exactly what I had dreamed of: a beautiful wedding, and the man I love more than anything was looking the best he ever had ten feet away and he wasn't mine anymore.

To be continued...