Then, I met this wonderful guy and we were inseparable for three months. Now, he's moved 5 hours away. And, I feel like one of my arms is missing. The first week was actually not the hardest. There was this unflickering flame of hope that things would return to normal and that he'd come back. But he didn't; he couldn't. And, it was the second week that took its great toll.
I began shaping my life around a TV schedule. Every night, I would have something to watch. Currently on the schedule is Dreamgirls on ABC tonight at 8:oo p.m. and "The Screen Actors' Guild Awards" on TBS tomorrow. Thus, I would go to class and do homework/housework during the day then settle into bed in the evenings for television until I was able to Skype with Morgan after he returned from work at midnight. Every so often, Chris and I would get dinner then have a "How I Met Your Mother" marathon at the apartment.
But eventually, even I realized that none of my television or Blockbuster movies once a week were making the cut. It wasn't enough, and I continued to sink into sadness, missing Morgan more than I could have imagine and eating way too much candy! It's why I haven't been writing so much... writing about me sitting in my bed watching another episode of "Pit Boss" is not exciting!
One night, I went to Chris and wept in front of him as I whined and bitched about how unfair life was and that it had been a horrible day and how much I couldn't stand being away from Morgan. Chris, who is unsympathetic to these kinds of things and had been in a long distance relationship last year, looked me in the eye and said, "You need to get a life without him."
At first, I was pissed. I didn't go there to listen to some truthful crap about how I was supposed to move on. I didn't want to move on! I just wanted to get out of my apartment and start my life with Morgan. And instead of Chris telling me everything was going to be ok and that we were going to get through this without any tears or sorrow, I got the truth.
Later after much reflection, I knew Chris was right. Chris is always FREAKING RIGHT (and I hate it!)!!! I needed to stop waiting around for Morgan to show up or for me to be able to go see him and start living my life. Morgan was living his, going to a job he loves nearly every night and playing video games with his best friend down the street. He was out buying bedding and furniture for his new apartment and beginning his new adult life. I was and still am so happy for him. But once again, I felt stuck in Cullowhee - a place I never wanted to be.
This weekend, things have changed. I am getting out of my bed and working on a "new life" while we're apart. Today, I'm sitting here sore all over from playing hours of Ultimate Frisbee with Kayla and the gang out on the Intramural Fields. Later, we crashed back at the apartment where Kayla's friend cooked chicken for dinner, we watched Get Smart on TBS, and had an argument about who was the GREATEST actor. It was two against two on Anthony Hopkins. Last night is one of the few times I can say "That was the best night" that Morgan wasn't present for.
Tomorrow, I'm going to Western's theatre to see "Sweet-n-Low," a one-man show about living with juvenile diabetes. And, I'm so excited!! I've been waiting all weekend to see this play! Then afterwards, I invited my entire Acting I class over to watch "The Screen Actors' Guild Awards;" word still pending on if anyone is actually going to show up yet! But slowly... things are getting better I dare say. I still miss Morgan terribly. No activities, parties, or socializing is going to change that.
But I can make the time go by faster!
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