Guest Blog: Written by Stuart

Stuart and I have been dating for 10 months now. We met in the little town of Cullowhee where we both attended Western Carolina University. We began dating on October 7th and in December, Stuart graduated with a bachelor's in hospitality and tourism. He moved back to his hometown of Raleigh to work at a job all of us hope to get when we graduate college. We began round one of our long distance relationship and survived. Over the summer, we shared a home, two pets, and an amazing adventure in growing up and becoming adults. Now, our long distance relationship continues as I have moved to Greensboro to continue my college degree at the University of North Carolina in Greensboro.
You have all heard my thoughts and feelings on this move. Now, he wants to tell you his. This was written on Tuesday, August 9th.

~~~

"Tonight marks the restart of Lex's and my long distance relationship. We spent yesterday and until the mid afternoon of today in Greensboro finishing the process of moving her into her new house. It was a sad day for us, because we, or at least I, found myself counting down the hours until I had to leave. It was a familiar feeling, and it made me reminisce about leaving her in Cullowhee after I came to visit. But it was somehow different, too. It felt a little less stressful.  I only had an hour drive (instead of four and a half) and knew with her being so close, I could visit her even when I didn't have two consecutive days off. Knowing all of this comforted me, and I think with time, will comfort her too. 

"Now, don't misunderstand me, I still cried and was very sad as we hugged and kissed in her driveway right before I left. She looked at me with the most saddened and desperate eyes while she begged me not to leave. When I look back in the coming years, remembering the good and bad times, that will  be one of the worst. No fight we have ever had compares to the despair and heartbreak in those eyes and pleas that both conveyed and caused me to feel. Even now, 12 hours later, my throat tightens and tears will up at that image. I'm sorry it hurts so much, baby. I miss you too.

"But I don't think it started to hit me until around 10 p.m. tonight at work. We were pretty much done, just the last few tables left, and I just felt dead, heavy. I moved around slowly, really more out of habit than actual conscience decision. I knew that I was going home to my apartment without Lex, which right now doesn't feel like home. As I drove home, the feelings of sadness and loneliness increased with each mile. When I made the last turn before my apartment complex, I began softly crying slow tears. I envisioned walking past my roommate and his new lady friend and choking on my words when she asked were my girlfriend was. I knew I would be unable to answer her. 

"As I opened the door I caught myself just as I was starting to call the cat's name, "Sparta," as I had done almost ever night upon returning from work. As I walked down the hall, I cried more, until I reached the bedroom door. I turned on the light and a note tacked to the wall caught my attention. "Be Happy." I slumped against the wall beside it, touching it, upset because I couldn't be happy because Lex wasn't there, and upset because she wanted me to to be happy and I couldn't do that for her.

"I turned to examine the rest of the room, searching for anything of hers left behind. At first I saw nothing, but then I began noticing small things: our coloring book picture, a stained glass panel, her blue pen on my nightstand, a pile of thumbtacks on a drink coaster, her towel. All her posters are gone and my room has lost all its character, all its feeling. The only spark of life in its empty vastness are the sounds of Nutmeg the hamster moving about her cage. I have decided I am not letting her live with Lex because in holding and playing with it I can see Lex doing those very things, and I am not willing to lose those memories. 

"I miss her a lot tonight; it's always harder in the beginning. I would say it gets easier as time passes, but it's not so much that it's easier... but that the first nights are more shocking than the ones that follow. I know I won't cry every night on the way home from work, just like I know she won't cry every morning when she wakes up. We will both find things to do to occupy our minds and keep us busy during the times we are apart. And when we are together, we will try to relish every minute and not take our time for granted."

~ Stuart

Kodak Moment: 8 Months

Happy eight months, baby!! It's been an insane ride, and it makes me love you stronger. These have been some of the best months of my life. I can't wait to see what happens next!

Having way too much fun with the web cam!

Gone hiking in Raleigh

Visiting Ma in Mount Holly

Graduation day

Our first Christmas tree

Random Memory: Stranger that I Know

Over Spring Break, Morgan and his roommate from now on dubbed "Fox" needed to go to Crabtree Mall to visit the Time Warner Cable kiosk. I also needed to go because Mr. Mars, the bear Morgan had built at Build-a-Bear, was ripped at the seams on his leg. He needed a quick stitching, which Build-a-Bear provides for free to their bears. Together, we piled into the car and went through the streets of Raleigh.

I was wearing a cute blouse, big bug-like sunglasses Kate had picked out last summer, a short big & white skirt with brown high heels. I felt fabulous but also a bit out of place considering I was walking around looking very adult but carrying a teddy bear in my arms. I felt I was being stared at. What I didn't know was who was staring at me.

Morgan, Fox and I went our separate ways. I got Mr. Mars stitched up downstairs while Morgan and Fox stayed upstairs. To get downstairs, I had to descend a large curved stiarcase in the middle of the mall. Unbeknownst to me, Morgan was perched near the top of the stairwell at the kiosk. This is what he told me:

"I pretended you weren't my girlfriend and that I didn't know you - that I was just checking out a very hot girl walking down the stairs."

I was completely smitten by the thought.

****

This memory really strikes a cord with me, and I'm so happy that Morgan told me what was going on while my back was turned.

Morgan and I have now been dating five months without any "let's have some space" or "we're currently taking some time apart from each other" moments. Our relationship is strong, and our trust towards each other is deep. Except for what physical activity we have chosen and promised we won't do, there is not much new ground left to cover in our relationship. We moved fast because of knowing we'd be separated soon; we have reached the steady, relaxed lull of our relationship.

For me, I love it but I also miss a few things of October when we first got together. The butterfly wings tripping up in my stomach. The learning the feel and smell of this new person you're with. The staring in their eyes to memorize the color. The never-ceasing grin after he left for his place and wondering when he'd text you good night. The excitement and nervousness.

Then, Morgan goes and does something like, "I pretended I didn't know you." It was like a reset button.

Which brings me to this...

Many times, I have heard of people breaking up because they get tired of their significant other. Not because they fight hysterically or because they've changed so much they don't recognize the person anymore. Because they are tired of them, like an old toy from childhood or a song played too many times!! People are not things!!! You can't just ditch a human being and all he or she has invested into a relationship with you because it's "new" or "exciting" or anymore. No, you are the reason your relationship is boring. You're tired of you in the relationship!!!

The great part of that is that you can fix it. I'm not saying Morgan has become bored with me and used his "I pretended" technique to make himself interested in me again. I know for certain that that's not the case at all. And, it's not the case for me either. I like going to bed knowing that somone cares for me deeply in a way my parents don't. I like not being constantly on the look out for Mr. Right. I enjoy skipping my make up routine in the mornings because I don't care how I look! I have already snagged an amazing guy!!!
 But for those who feel their relationship is lacking and uninteresting, next time your girl or guy walks away from you... look at him or her like you've never met them before. See what happens!

Coping Mechanism

Being alone was "my thing." It was what I wanted more than anything in the world, especially after I was socialized that I wasn't worth the time of other people (thanks private elementary and middle school kids! I appreciate your lesson in toughness).
Then, I met this wonderful guy and we were inseparable for three months. Now, he's moved 5 hours away. And, I feel like one of my arms is missing. The first week was actually not the hardest. There was this unflickering flame of hope that things would return to normal and that he'd come back. But he didn't; he couldn't. And, it was the second week that took its great toll.

I began shaping my life around a TV schedule. Every night, I would have something to watch. Currently on the schedule is Dreamgirls on ABC tonight at 8:oo p.m. and "The Screen Actors' Guild Awards" on TBS tomorrow. Thus, I would go to class and do homework/housework during the day then settle into bed in the evenings for television until I was able to Skype with Morgan after he returned from work at midnight. Every so often, Chris and I would get dinner then have a "How I Met Your Mother" marathon at the apartment.

But eventually, even I realized that none of my television or Blockbuster movies once a week were making the cut. It wasn't enough, and I continued to sink into sadness, missing Morgan more than I could have imagine and eating way too much candy! It's why I haven't been writing so much... writing about me sitting in my bed watching another episode of "Pit Boss" is not exciting!

One night, I went to Chris and wept in front of him as I whined and bitched about how unfair life was and that it had been a horrible day and how much I couldn't stand being away from Morgan. Chris, who is unsympathetic to these kinds of things and had been in a long distance relationship last year, looked me in the eye and said, "You need to get a life without him."

At first, I was pissed. I didn't go there to listen to some truthful crap about how I was supposed to move on. I didn't want to move on! I just wanted to get out of my apartment and start my life with Morgan. And instead of Chris telling me everything was going to be ok and that we were going to get through this without any tears or sorrow, I got the truth.

Later after much reflection, I knew Chris was right. Chris is always FREAKING RIGHT (and I hate it!)!!! I needed to stop waiting around for Morgan to show up or for me to be able to go see him and start living my life. Morgan was living his, going to a job he loves nearly every night and playing video games with his best friend down the street. He was out buying bedding and furniture for his new apartment and beginning his new adult life. I was and still am so happy for him. But once again, I felt stuck in Cullowhee - a place I never wanted to be.

This weekend, things have changed. I am getting out of my bed and working on a "new life" while we're apart. Today, I'm sitting here sore all over from playing hours of Ultimate Frisbee with Kayla and the gang out on the Intramural Fields. Later, we crashed back at the apartment where Kayla's friend cooked chicken for dinner, we watched Get Smart on TBS, and had an argument about who was the GREATEST actor. It was two against two on Anthony Hopkins. Last night is one of the few times I can say "That was the best night" that Morgan wasn't present for. 

Tomorrow, I'm going to Western's theatre to see "Sweet-n-Low," a one-man show about living with juvenile diabetes. And, I'm so excited!! I've been waiting all weekend to see this play! Then afterwards, I invited my entire Acting I class over to watch "The Screen Actors' Guild Awards;" word still pending on if anyone is actually going to show up yet! 

But slowly... things are getting better I dare say. I still miss Morgan terribly. No activities, parties, or socializing is going to change that.

But I can make the time go by faster!

I am Jack's Broken Heart

I can't describe this feeling. It's somewhere between wanting to throw up and being held down by a 2 ton weight.
Today, Morgan moved out of the apartment we have been sharing for nearly three months to start his life in Raleigh. And, I have been left behind.

I feel so empty, so lost. I keep waiting on him to come through the door with Bojangles biscuits or emerge from the bathroom with his cropped hair dark and wet, shirtless telling me about how McDonald's makes their chicken nuggets and what gun my favorite movie character is using during an action scene while I'm watching TV. But he's not here...

Instead, I'm locked up in my room unable to leave because my roommate (who is not even here) promised his room to two old friends of his. And, they have taken over the apartment, bringing in guests of their own. I don't even know these people! Never met them before in my life.

I have been sitting in my room since he left. I tried to start working on a 100-piece jigsaw puzzle of a humpback whale leaping into the sky while fish, two dolphins, and a shark swim around its tail still in the waves. I couldn't concentrate on it enough to even finish all the edge pieces. I have been playing movies nonstop on the television, films that deal with lovers having to be separated but having just enough action that I don't cry through the whole thing, such as The Constant Gardener and Underworld: Rise of the Lycans. I will cry then lull myself into silence then stare for a long time then begin crying again. Sparta comes in and out of the bedroom obviously finding the new people in the house more entertaining and interesting than the owner he sees every day. Other than him, I am alone, so terribly and scarily alone. Nothing and nobody can part me from Morgan's pillow, which he left behind for me. I feel the weight of the dogs tags I custom made around my neck, a pair for him and a pair for me, as his birthday present. One tag has my name and information, the other his. They are identical, except for the color of the silencers. Earlier, I ate the remainder of the brownies we had baked together... a large yet unsatisfying portion in a round metal pan. I nibbled on a peanut butter sandwich and went through some flavored Tootsie Rolls, but have not yet found an appetite.

Our perfect Christmas is over. Since Saturday after Morgan's graduation, we have had the apartment to ourselves with my roommates either gone home for the holidays or at work an hour away. One day we went to the WNC Nature Center, walking around a track to see gray wolves, coyotes, bobcats, a petting zoo, and other various North Carolina mountain critters. In the evenings, we shared popcorn and watched whatever was playing on ABC Family's "25 Days of Christmas." In the mornings, we slept in, curled into each other before making a hot breakfast like pancakes and/or scrambled eggs. Sometimes, we would get Bojangles for dinner or Japanese. One night I cooked spaghetti. One night Stuart made hamburgers, which unfortunately I missed out on as I was suffering from nausea from my bout of acute mono.

Yesterday morning we pretended it was Christmas morning. I woke Morgan from sleep by jumping on the bed yelling that Santa had come and we needed to open presents immediately! After an hour of his grumbling and delaying, we, including Sparta, made it out into the living room. Morgan opened his gift of a book he'd been dying to read from me. I got super warm mittens from him. Afterwards, we had hot pancakes and eggs while watching survival shows on Discovery Channel and "Spartacus: Blood and Sand."

We ruled the apartment together. It was the greatest five days of my entire 2010 year. I've never been so happy! Not since before The Viking and my parents' divorce. It was the greatest Christmas gift anyone has ever given me. It was better than any white Christmas.

Now, Morgan is gone. After he left, I took down our little Christmas tree by myself putting our Dollar Tree ornaments into a keepsake box and throwing the stub of a tree into the woods outside the apartment. It was discouraging and heartbreaking. We had kept the tree lit nearly every night since putting it up after Thanksgiving. Now, it is lying outside in the cold waiting to decay.
Soon, I will see Morgan again when we reunite to spend more of the holidays together. However, our life together at the apartment is over. It's very likely he won't be back here again thanks to his full-time job starting in January. And as Morgan pointed out to me a week ago, we don't know when we'll be living with or even near each other again. The dog tags we share say "212" on the last line; it's how long from January 1st to the day my apartment lease runs out and I am free to move as close to him as I want.

What we shared was a week of pure happiness. Now, we must continue on with life. ...But I don't know how. I feel like I've lost my home.

One Wish for the List

Dear Santa Claus,

 Hi! It's me again. I know I haven't written in a few years. Sorry about that. I kind of let Anne and Kate take over the letter writing for me. But this year, there's something I want more than anything.

It's not something Father or Ma can buy in a store. I know that most of my presents come from Wal-Mart, Target, and Amazon.com but you do the very special ones... like finding Sparta so we could take him home (though that was a few months early) and Kate (she came late). This wish is something that cannot be built by the elves. This wish is going to take all of your personal magical talents.

You see it's my boyfriend. He graduates next week and soon, he'll be moving five hours away from me to start his new adult life. But I have to stay behind and continue going to college. But the thing is, Santa... I really love him. And I don't want to say good bye.

So if there's one gift I could get this year, I'd like to keep my boyfriend here in Cullowhee.

Could you do that, Santa? I've tried my best to be a really good girl. I know I've made some horrible mistakes and slipped up now and then but he's really important to me. It would be the worst Christmas ever if I had to say good bye to him afterwards.

So if you could just sprinkle a little magic over us... I think that'll do the trick. Thanks, Santa! Give my regards to Mrs. Claus. I know she's glad you only have to go far away one night a year. Merry Christmas!

Love,

 Lex

This Post was Supposed to be about Something Else

It snowed last night. I'm curled up at my computer desk listening to Morgan snore gently behind me. Now, we are both sick with what everyone calls "The Cullowhee Crud!!!" He is just coming out of it; I plunged into it last night. I have a raging fever, a wicked cough, sandpaper for a throat, and an unbelievable headache that occasionally cripples me. Getting to see beautiful falling snow last night was a blessing and for a moment, I could ignore the pain of my own body. However, by this morning, it was gone leaving only a few traces that it had been here at all.

Tomorrow is my one-month anniversary with Morgan. Sick as we are, we are both looking forward to it. He's finally going to cook for me!! I am beyond excited at this prospect, even if I don't like whatever he cooks. It was how I met Morgan.

He came over to the apartment one night to cook dinner for CC. In comes this guy with hair much shorter than I'm used to with my boys and their long "flowing locks" like River's black mane and Christian's shaggy mop, and this guy just strolls into our kitchen with all the purpose and comfort of someone who been living there a lot longer than CC and I actually had been. Immediately, Morgan is all business. He doesn't even introduce himself to me, sitting at the dining table wrapped around a text book, reading. Instead, he and CC pick up on conversation like they'd already been talking for hours; it's mostly about Morgan's work while I occasionally peek over my book with interest as Morgan begins unloading ingredients from his various bags and a cooler full of frozen shrimp. I don't remember exactly when we finally first spoke to each other or what was said. I know that when he was finished with dinner, I didn't like the taste of it and picked at it for half an hour before Morgan finally called me out on it. I think I said something along the lines of "I don't know you so I don't have to impress you." That still doesn't make any sense to me.

While I don't recall the details of how we first met, I remember that my interest was piqued about this boy. He came over, often teased me, and had this dry humor I was attracted to. It wasn't "love at first sight" or "I fell head over heels" the moment I met him. He's a senior graduating next month. I'm little sophomore who often proved how naive and silly I am. But when he badgered and badgered me about going to shoot with him and CC, I finally relented. As as we stood in the cold shooting guns at paper targets flapping in the shrill breeze, I began to feel something.

"HEY I THINK I LIKE MORGAN," I texted Chris... except that I nearly sent the text message to Morgan himself!!! That would have been interesting.

Chris was skeptical. He knew it'd be silly to get into a relationship with someone who was packing up and moving out a few mere months away. And he was right and I knew that. What if something did happen between Morgan and me? It was October. We'd have two months together before we were split apart, and I'd already seen the horrors of a long-distance relationship with Chris and his ex and my mother and her ex. It's nowhere near easy. Anyone who says otherwise was probably cheating on their faraway significant other.

Still, I am ultimately stubborn and decided to let what happened happen. For once, I wasn't going to make the first move. And for once... I DIDN'T! Morgan did! I should have known then that he'd be this special to me now.
It was the day I finished my book... a Tuesday. My friends had blown me off in celebrating and I told CC let's celebrate! Morgan and I texted each other randomly at the time, and I invited him over because I wanted a real celebration. He arrived at the apartment and was once again sick. So he plopped down on the loveseat beside me as I was sipping on my first horrible-tasting beer. CC, Morgan, and I bantered back and forth in a harmless manner, CC and I waiting for "Sons of Anarchy" to come on FX at 10.

"Ghost Rider" came on at 8, and suddenly CC had to go somewhere... class, I think it was... before returning just in time for "SoA." Suddenly, Morgan and I, inches apart from each other, were completely alone in the dark with only the glow of the TV before us. And we just started talking. It was all innocent fun, but I remember thinking how great he was.

It was he who began the tickle war once he found my greatest weakness.

It was he who gave me this look, stretched out his arm, and said, "Come 'ere," and I immediately curled up beside him.
It was he who ran his fingers through my hair.
It was me who was smiling all night long.
One month later I couldn't be happier. Chris thinks he's great. "He's the first non-douche bag you've dated since I've known you," Chris stated.
He drove six hours and crossed two state lines to pick me up from Kentucky when I got sick.
Coughing and still sick himself, he took care of me all last night, sleeping on the floor so I could have the twin bed to myself.
He took a split shift at work so he could be there for me when we went to Harris Regional for information on hypoglycemia management (that's what this post was actually supposed to be about! We're getting to that).
He loves me.
December can kiss my.................!

A Different Kind of Lullaby

It’s 5 a.m. Once again, I’m awake at a horribly early hour because Morgan’s been sick, sick, sick! It used to be an all night thing where he’d cough and hack and sniff and snort and wheeze. Now it’s limited to one-two hours in the early morning. I’d feel bad for him if I didn’t know that I’m soon to come down with the same thing, haha! No, I do feel sorry for him. The boy goes into work usually around this time and is dead on his feet from being just so sick and lack of sleep.

 Today, we tried a medical cure: Mucinex. You know that obnoxious commercial with the animated “cough” that’s moved into someone’s lungs? Yep, that’s Mucinex. And it’s supposed to work really well. I don’t know if the gigantic, uncoated pill that nearly made Morgan vomit everywhere actually worked… but boy was M in a good mood! Lordy Lou, that boy was high for at least two hours. It was nerve-wracking but hilarious at the same time to see him that way. There was a goofy, lop-sided grin that couldn’t be wiped from his face no matter how hard he was coughing.

I used to be quite snobbish about my sleep. When Anne was born, I was a teenager on the cusp of enjoying extremely late nights with sugary snacks and long mornings wrapped up in my comforter. Well, that was a destroyed dream as a newborn was introduced to the family, and if ever she woke me up at an hour I deemed was unreasonable, I would cry myself back to sleep in bed from disappointment, anger, and pure exhaustion from having already been awoken by her crying multiple times before that night. Going to college, I didn’t let anyone ruin my sleep. …Except for the fact that I lived in a freshmen dorm where the newly found freedom of my suite and hallmates was too much for them so they were prone to whoop and holler along the hallway all night long. Throw in an uncomfortable mattress and no air conditioning during the months of August, early September, April, and May, and I still wasn’t getting any sleep. My beautiful apartment dropped out of the sky and I have been sleeping like a rock for the betterment of three months.

Then, Morgan showed up and before our long separation over Fall Break, I asked if he would stay the night with me. It was one of the longest nights of my life, tossing and turning in a tiny twin bed that hardly fits my long, gangly legs and arms. My feet fall off the end and sharing with 9 lb. Sparta is already difficult. Another human being is just an outrageous thought! But we did it anyway. And we continued to do it. And I became used to it. But when I left for Kentucky last week, I was placed in a luxurious hotel with a huge queen-sized bed all to myself. And I immediately grew out of sharing a bed. Apparently, I wasn’t as used to it as I thought I was! And now Morgan is sick and I’m lucky to get five hours of straight sleep.

My snobbish ways, however, have vanished. Morgan has changed that whole side of me so where before I would have grumbled and bitched about being awake at 5 a.m. and now I use it to my advantage to write a blog post. I have extra play time with Sparta. I can get up and about to make a snack. I can make fun of infomercials on TV. I can Facebook like never before! And when I return to bed, there is an amazing guy waiting for me with open arms, coughing, but still good and happy to see me.

And he remembered our one-month anniversary is on Sunday!! Yes, I cried.

I should have been more patient when it came to Anne. I should have grown up and accepted it. She’s my family. But that was then and this is now, and I’m not going to act like a stuck-up little high schooler anymore (well, at least not about this!). Instead, I’m going to wrap up this post, save it to my computer as my Internet is currently not working so I can’t immediately post, turn off my computer, and jump back into bed with my snoring boyfriend. Maybe I’ll fall asleep. Maybe not. What will happen is I’ll be happy and that’s all that matters to me.

I’ll sleep in December, I tell him. Definitely in December.

"The Nighttime, Sniffling, Sneezing, Coughing, Aching, Have a Nice Coma, Medicine"

How's that New Boy

I've been pretty mum on my relationship with Morgan. Aside from his right to his privacy, my blog post haven't mentioned him much because my family reads this blog. My parents in particular... well, there are some things I'm just not going to tell them about him and me. They don't need to know. We're not sharing diseases or running the risk of getting me pregnant (for abstinence is the best birth control), but I'm sure there are a few things that would make them blush or they would frown upon.

Then, I had a long discussion with Chris. Last year, Chris was my rock when things with The Viking and the boys got shaky. I was telling Morgan today that the great thing about Chris is that he has an opinion about EVERYTHING which means I can talk to him about ANYTHING! Whatever I have to say, he already has an entire string of thoughts on. Mostly, I pause after being asked an opinionated question. I need a moment to collect my thoughts and really mull over what I think about the topic. Chris doesn't have this problem. You ask him a question and he immediately has an answer. It makes me wonder how much time he has on his hands to think about all these possible opinions. Chris is my go-to guy for just about anything, but specifically for Christian-related stuff. He was raised by a pastor and his love for God is some days above comprehension for me. He is honest and direct and is not afraid to hurt my feelings. So I felt completely comfortable and knew that I was getting the truth when I began to ask him about my relationship with Morgan and what were good boundaries to set when it came to physical stuff. And even though he's a guy, it's not weird between us. We're not like that. Like we're brother and sister without the awkward "hey we're related we shouldn't talk about sexual stuff."

Chris likes to believe his opinion is "a standard." And while I rely on him, I don't need an opinion from him to get me through the day... though sometimes it may have seem that way to him. Like the time The Viking made me upset and I ran to his room sobbing asking "What should I do?" Like the many times that happened last year!

On relationships, Chris has strict opinions. He has himself a mini checklist in what he wants in his perfect woman, like no smoking and a love for God. Chris hates drama! He doesn't date around. If he dates someone, it's because he can see himself marrying this girl in the next two to five years. He has standards I look up to. He also doesn't believe in living together.

Now, Morgan and I... I don't consider us living together. Neither does Morgan. But Morgan does sleep over in my bed. And, I was afraid to tell Chris this because I was wary of a long-winded speech full of opinions.

Moment...

Ma and Father (until this moment in time) don't know Morgan sleeps over. In fact, I'd be surprised if I didn't see an eyebrow-raising Facebook Wall post or get a phone call after they read this. But I've learned a thing or two. I know a few family secrets. I've seen some questionable stuff. And, I'm not afraid to stand up and say first off, my boyfriend leaves for Raleigh in December permanently and I'm going to spend all the time I want with him and secondly, I know a few secrets that I don't consider to be secrets but the people they are about do...............is my underlying message getting through? Personally, I don't think Morgan sleeping with his arm around me all night is half as bad as some of the things I know about my parents! You gotta love it! ;)

With that said, I'd like to direct a line to my dearest sister Kate: darling sister whom I adore and protect, you are in high school! And you may be in love with your Eminem-look-a-like but baby, don't be sleeping around with some boy, and I'm talking about sleepovers and/or sex. You are very young, and I know you don't feel that way, but when you look back and Eminem isn't still with you, you're going to regret all those boys you let sleep over because there should only be one that really sleeps over every single night. And you are going to love him more than anything in the world. And you are going to want to give your life for him. And he is going to put a gigantic rock on your left ring finger. And he is going to give you the world. And you two are going to have a beautiful family. And this may be Eminem and if it's not, you're not going to remember him anymore. Or least I don't want you to because you're going to be remembering him as the boy who you loved too young and the one you let spend that one night that wasn't so great after all. Hey, maybe you two have already shared a bed. I like to pretend you're still my baby sister but you are a big girl now and can make those decisions. Just keep a clear head and don't let him talk you into anything!

Anyway......... I never told Chris that Morgan and I had sleepovers of the innocent kind. Of course, Chris pulled one over on me and figured the freaking thing out himself!! And when it slipped out yesterday, he was totally cool about it. Of course, I'm freaking out.
 "Wait a minute, you knew?!" I shrieked.
"Um, Lex... of course you guys are sleeping in the same bed."
"But I thought you had a vendetta against that."
"Look, you're not dumb. You have morals," he began to preach. "I know that waiting and not having sex mean something to you. It's important and you want to share that with your husband." He added something along the lines of what did he care if Morgan and I were sleeping in my tiny twin bed every night.
It made me realize and feel so stupid for ever trying to hide something from my best friend. When it comes to Chris, I should have known better!

.......More on Morgan and myself later! Must. Get. Some. Sleep!

Lynn Rushton, Trust, 2007

The End

***Just a side note before we start: I was given my Western Carolinian staff polo shirt today and my boss said I was the first sophomore to become editor since the year 2000!! I am beyond thrilled and proud! Cross your fingers that I do well!

~ Jude got to visit this past weekend, which was great! I don't recall if I mentioned that River returned to the group. I believe I did. Either way, this makes the only boy I lost over the summer to be Jude who took a leave of absence from Western Carolina this year... or at least this semester. We'll see what happens in January.

~ Professor Guinness is up to her usual craziness. Last week, she asked a girl to spit in a spoon then threatened to swallow the spit. She was then surprised when we the class confessed that we found her intimidating.

"Ma'am," I wanted to say, "you were just about to swallow someone's spit from a spoon. In fact, I'm still waiting for you to go to the trash can and swallow it. And you're surprised because...?"

She really is a neat professor. Today, Guinness showed us a clip from Borat. Yeah, she's one of a kind! I'm eager to meet with her one-on-one this Friday.

~ All of you know I'm a writer. I am a staff writer for the campus newspaper. I write my own novels. I have been since first or second grade. I distinctly recall writing religiously in third grade. Recently, I have been working on a novel loosely based on my freshman year, in particular my story with The Viking. As you can imagine, it is a highly emotional book for me to write and there have been many occasions that I have broken down into tears or had a aesthetically pleasing movie moment of a single tear wiping mascara down one cheek. For the past four nights, I have been writing and going over the climatic scene in the novel and it gets me every time. I apologize to my friends for being particularly out of focus, not caught up in the conversation, not mentally there, and getting too lost in my thoughts. I am completely wrapped up in this scene, especially now because I'm stuck. I have no idea what I want my characters to decide next. Well, I know where I want them to go but I have two ways in my head that they can get there. The question is which path. It could change the whole outlook of the book if they choose one way over the other. What I need is to take a step back, detach myself from what happened last year, and let it be about the characters. What do I want the audience to get out of this? I want them, particularly young adult girls, to be strong and independent and not have a man have any amount of control over them as The Viking did and still does have over me.

On November 24, it will be one year since The Viking called me while I was at the DMV with Chris and Nicole to tell me he was leaving me for another girl. That moment will forever stay in my mind in vivid detail how I told him I still wanted to be friends, how I was beyond shocked as I didn't see it coming, how I tried to control my voice so he wouldn't know I was upset, how Nicole begged to stop at his room when we returned to campus so I could kick him as it was coincidentally enough "Kick a Ginger in the Shin" Day as declared by Facebook. I will never forget that same night when I called up Adam to tell him the news to find out not only that Adam already knew but that The Viking had previously begged Adam to "break up" with me FOR HIM! And yet somehow... I still have feelings for this person! I can't believe myself!

I am dedicating an entire novel to you, sir, so that I may release everything you did to me and move on with my precious, valuable life.

There is hope though. I have budding feelings from another guy. Hopefully, he may return them. In fact, I have mentioned him in my blog and to make things interesting... look over at the poll to the left and vote for who you think I am referring to! Should be interesting to see the results!