Kodak Moment: Photo of the Day Jan 31

I thought on this rainy day we needed a little fun! So, I uploaded a photo from the animal shelter of two kittens playing. On the left is Smoker and the orange and white kitty on the right is Joker. They are two of the sweetest cats until you give Smoker the pencil on a string! Then it's on!!



Show of Splenda

This afternoon, I went to see a show that was unbelievable, completely original, extraordinary, and more moving than any show I've seen. It was called "Sweet-N-Low: The True Story of One Diabetic's Journey to Keep Spirits High and Sugars Low."

A classmate of mine, Jonathan, got up on stage with two folding chairs, a table, and a red bar stool and told his story of being diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes at the age of 12 and so on. I watched completely enthralled as he reenacted every step of the way starting with a hilarious and warm tale of traveling to Disney World to the broken, heartbreaking sobs of a 12-year-old boy begging nurses to stop taking his blood to a young adult managing and living life to the fullest! Never have I sat through an entire show with tears in my eyes throughout it all from either laughter or sadness.

Bright spot number 1: It wasn't told by a doctor. It wasn't told by a therapist or dietitian. It was told by someone who had been there. Someone who has acting talent that would blow 15-year-old Leonardo DiCaprio out of the water! Instead of someone preaching to me, lecturing me about the ups and downs of diabetes, the audience and myself were shown this "journey" through the emotions of an actor.

Bright spot number 2: It was real. Jonathan didn't sugarcoat his self pity or his pain. He didn't cut out the parts that would make some people think he was ungrateful. Jonathan laid it all out there and at the same time didn't ask for anyone's pity or for them to be sad for him. I can't speak for him, but I can imagine that he wanted people to come along for the ride and go through the experience with him as a means of understanding. I can't tell you how many people have talked to me differently or done the "Ohmigosh, are you allowed to eat this? Are you sure? Maybe I should cut it in half..." bit because I have hypoglycemia. Incurable and as difficult as hypoglycemia is, I cannot imagine (with my great fear of needles) how much courage one must have to give themselves insulin shots. And through "Sweet-N-Low," I was able to fully grasp the other side of the scale that is someone with diabetes and come to understand how it is for them.

Bright spot number 3: I got to sit directly behind Jonathan's mom. I don't know this woman, but I know she and her husband must have been exceptionally brave and strong through the whole process beginning with learning that their son had an incurable, potentially fatal disease. I could feel the pride rolling off of her as her son continued to speak. It was incredible! For me, seeing how proud she was of her son and how much love she had for him was as remarkable as the show itself.

I'm not going to steal Jonathan's thunder and talk about my own struggles with hypoglycemia. I'll just say that even though it was diabetes, it was close enough that the performance rocked my world and gave me such hope that maybe one day I won't have to live like this either because someone found a cure or I will have the strength and courage like Jonathan to adapt to the lifestyle I was born with.

I truly wish that the show had more dates and that every Western Carolina student would go see it. I wish my mom had been able to see it. I wish Kate and my father had seen it. I hope it continues ("Sweet-N-Low" has already spent time touring over the summer) to grow and becomes something people can see not only nationally but globally so everyone will understand like I came to today. It was truly remarkable.

Kodak Moment: Photo of the Day Jan 30

Morgan and I have been Skype-ing constantly and while we Skype, we play games. Here we are playing Chinese Checkers, his favorite. He has beaten me EVERY SINGLE TIME until....... TODAY!!!! I WON!!!! And, I'm super happy about it!



Coping Mechanism

Being alone was "my thing." It was what I wanted more than anything in the world, especially after I was socialized that I wasn't worth the time of other people (thanks private elementary and middle school kids! I appreciate your lesson in toughness).
Then, I met this wonderful guy and we were inseparable for three months. Now, he's moved 5 hours away. And, I feel like one of my arms is missing. The first week was actually not the hardest. There was this unflickering flame of hope that things would return to normal and that he'd come back. But he didn't; he couldn't. And, it was the second week that took its great toll.

I began shaping my life around a TV schedule. Every night, I would have something to watch. Currently on the schedule is Dreamgirls on ABC tonight at 8:oo p.m. and "The Screen Actors' Guild Awards" on TBS tomorrow. Thus, I would go to class and do homework/housework during the day then settle into bed in the evenings for television until I was able to Skype with Morgan after he returned from work at midnight. Every so often, Chris and I would get dinner then have a "How I Met Your Mother" marathon at the apartment.

But eventually, even I realized that none of my television or Blockbuster movies once a week were making the cut. It wasn't enough, and I continued to sink into sadness, missing Morgan more than I could have imagine and eating way too much candy! It's why I haven't been writing so much... writing about me sitting in my bed watching another episode of "Pit Boss" is not exciting!

One night, I went to Chris and wept in front of him as I whined and bitched about how unfair life was and that it had been a horrible day and how much I couldn't stand being away from Morgan. Chris, who is unsympathetic to these kinds of things and had been in a long distance relationship last year, looked me in the eye and said, "You need to get a life without him."

At first, I was pissed. I didn't go there to listen to some truthful crap about how I was supposed to move on. I didn't want to move on! I just wanted to get out of my apartment and start my life with Morgan. And instead of Chris telling me everything was going to be ok and that we were going to get through this without any tears or sorrow, I got the truth.

Later after much reflection, I knew Chris was right. Chris is always FREAKING RIGHT (and I hate it!)!!! I needed to stop waiting around for Morgan to show up or for me to be able to go see him and start living my life. Morgan was living his, going to a job he loves nearly every night and playing video games with his best friend down the street. He was out buying bedding and furniture for his new apartment and beginning his new adult life. I was and still am so happy for him. But once again, I felt stuck in Cullowhee - a place I never wanted to be.

This weekend, things have changed. I am getting out of my bed and working on a "new life" while we're apart. Today, I'm sitting here sore all over from playing hours of Ultimate Frisbee with Kayla and the gang out on the Intramural Fields. Later, we crashed back at the apartment where Kayla's friend cooked chicken for dinner, we watched Get Smart on TBS, and had an argument about who was the GREATEST actor. It was two against two on Anthony Hopkins. Last night is one of the few times I can say "That was the best night" that Morgan wasn't present for. 

Tomorrow, I'm going to Western's theatre to see "Sweet-n-Low," a one-man show about living with juvenile diabetes. And, I'm so excited!! I've been waiting all weekend to see this play! Then afterwards, I invited my entire Acting I class over to watch "The Screen Actors' Guild Awards;" word still pending on if anyone is actually going to show up yet! 

But slowly... things are getting better I dare say. I still miss Morgan terribly. No activities, parties, or socializing is going to change that.

But I can make the time go by faster!

Kodak Moment: Photo of the Day Jan 29

Ugh, I can't believe it's still January. This month has just dragged on by. But then again, coming up next is February... and that means Valentine's Day! Oh, Valentine's Day... I despise you!!!

Anyway, here's a photo of Sparta! I came home on day and found that one of the chairs had been tipped over. Upon further investigation, I found Sparta had not only tipped over the chair but he had also turned it into his personal bed. He slept there for hours!

Kodak Moment: Photo of the Day Jan 28

I haven't had time to write many blogs, but I've decided to keep you all updated with a photo every day (if I can even keep up with that!!!). I hope to write soon!

Saw this bumper sticker on the back of a truck!! Sooo true! But even now they've stopped making lighters in cars, haha!

The Hours

"Someone has to die in order that the rest of us should value life more. It's a contrast."
~
"Would you be angry if I died?"
~
"Dear Leonard. To look life in the face, always, to look life in the face and to know it for what it is. At last to know it, to love it for what it is, and then, to put it away. Leonard, always the years between us, always the years. Always the love. Always the hours."
~
"Oh Mrs. Dalloway, always giving parties to cover the silence."
~
"I wanted to be a writer."
"So?"
"I wanted to write about it all... everything that happens in a moment. That way the flowers looked when you carried them in your arms. This towel, how it... smells, how it feels. Its thread. All our feelings, yours and mine. The history of it, who we once were. Everything in the world. Everything all mixed up... like it's mixed up now. And I failed. I failed. No, what you start with, it ends up being so much less. Sheer *f*-ing pride and stupidity." (Pause) We want everything, don't we?"
"I suppose we do."

--- The Hours. Screenplay by David Hare. Dir. Stephen Daldry. Perf. Meryl Streep, Julianne Moore, and Nicole Kidman. Paramount Pictures, 2002. Film. 

The first time I saw the film The Hours, I was scared of it. I was either 13 or 14 and it was first time I'd been confronted with women kissing each other on screen or in person. I was scared because this was not the film I thought I was going to be watching. I was also scared that Ma was going to walk in and I'd have to explain what I was watching. The content also was difficult to comprehend. The story wasn't in the movement or the action but in the dialogue. I couldn't wrap my head around it and never made it the halfway mark before I stopped watching.
The next time I saw the film was a couple of years later. I was older, more mature, and had a better understanding about both the darker and lighter sides of the world. Now, I was able to understand and appreciate the story, and it became one of my favorite movies. Soon after, I read the book and it is my favorite book.
As I writer, I understand how the above character feels about wanting to be able to write it all. It is literally impossible to write every single detail of what happens to a character and what they are feeling at that moment when whatever is happening is happening. It is impossible to either write it or to write it in a way that won't want to make your readers shoot themselves in the head.

Since the moment when I connected with that line, I have found comfort in The Hours even though it is a completely raw, moving, and depressing story. And while reading the opening pages of the book tonight, I felt moved to post some of my favorite quotes from (in particular) the movie from which this love started.