My Only Sunshine

Continued from Please Don't Take my Sunshine Away...

I sat outside the church after the ceremony. Everyone else filed past me to the Fellowship building in the other parking lot for the reception. I waited for Stuart... and waited... and waited... and waited...! He was part of the wedding party, remember? That means he had to partake in the official wedding photos. You know how those go! I sat in between the brick pillars that used to hold the sign of the church quietly singing "You are my Sunshine." I had listened to the famous bit at the end of a very appropriate Katy Perry music video, "The One That Got Away."
I had to get Stuart back! The loss of him had made everything clear! Don't you hate that? When losing the most important thing is when everything clicks into place and you know you want them more than anything? Or even it? Being able to have kids and you can't. To have one more conversation with your mom even though all you did was fight. The love of your life. But, sometimes... it's too late. I prayed with all my heart that it wasn't too late for Stuart and me.
Everything that got in our way - my lack of communication, The Viking and everything that went with him... suddenly, all the songs I listened to that applied to The Viking now applied to Stuart. I didn't think of The Viking anymore when I heard them. I thought only of Stuart. I think that was the kicker for me - the moment when I knew.
Finally, Stuart joined me at the brick foundation. It was awkward, then I just blurted out all of these things that didn't make sense anymore coming out of my mouth. They were all so organized in my head. Now, it was a mess of strings of words. But, I told him I was going to fix this, I had made a mistake, and I wanted him back!

He looked at me skeptically. I certainly hadn't fought this hard the day before when he'd broken up with me, I'm sure he was thinking. To Stuart, the day before was the end. That was it! It hadn't worked out, and now it was time to learn to move on. But I held on too hard! I promised that things would change, I would change, and we'd be better.
He promised we'd talk later. Now wasn't the best time. I nodded.
"It's not a no or a yes. It's a maybe. Can we talk tonight?"
I nodded.
"Are you going to the reception?" he asked.
"No," I answered quietly. He was supposed to dance with me during the reception. What if they played our song? Anything by Carbon Leaf, Paramore, Eminem, We the Kings? We were supposed to act like a normal couple that didn't add mile after mile after mile to their vehicles every week to see each other. It was supposed to be us celebrating the beginning for another couple. I had sat through the wedding. I couldn't put myself through the reception.
I had the longest drive home... longer than the five hours to Cullowhee from Raleigh, longer than the drive from Cullowhee to Mount Holly to Raleigh... it was a long half an hour filled with tears and too many thoughts.
That night, I called my mom and exploded into tears...!